I wrote this while I was a sophomore in college. . .back when I didn’t care what others thought of what I wrote. . . It makes me smile because I was just goofy. But at the same time, it makes me stop and think a little bit.
Waiting. That’s what I’m doing. I’m waiting. I’m waiting on the rest of my life to start. I remember being in high school thinking that life would start after I graduated. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would be nicer.
I want to go somewhere. I want to go to the Ukraine. They don’t get to hear about Jesus in the Ukraine. I know about Jesus. Why should I sit here and wait for my husband to realize that we should indeed get married and have children, when I could go to the Ukraine.
I want to make movies. I want to go to film school and make movies. I want to be one of those people that carry funky canvas over the shoulder bags and wear weird shoes. Because when you are creative you can get away with crap like that.
I want to be a stand up comedienne. Isn’t that what you’re called when you’re a girl stand up comic? Anyway, that’s what I want to do.
A semi life. That’s what I feel like I have most of the time. Something that doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. I have my friends and my family and that is all. No one else was affected by my presence on this planet.
But at the same time, I don’t want to stand out because I look different. I want to stand out because I am different. I want to be more loving, more compassionate, more aware of others around me. I want to be more generous. Less selfish. Less angry at the world that did nothing to me. Less foolish. Wiser. Friendlier to strangers. And more of a friend to my friends. Give until it hurts. Because so often, we can give and give and give and no one ever gives us anything in return….I don’t guess I should expect that.
Some of my thoughts have changed. I don’t feel like I’m living a semi-life (well, I do sometimes, but not always). But some of my thoughts haven’t. I still want to be different. I want to love more, be kinder, give more, and be wiser. I don’t want to waste what I’ve been trusted with.
Don’t waste your life.
The Messy Faithful 