I never think I need others’ approval. . .until my Facebook status doesn’t get as many “likes” as I think it should, or certain people don’t “like” my picture . . .or whatever. 

In my world saturated with approval, when disapproval is thrown squarely in my face, I quickly retreat. I delete the photo. Or edit  the status. Or add “just kidding!” to the text that wasn’t received how I had hoped it would be. 

This thought of disapproval paralyzes me. “Don’t write that! No one will like it!” “Don’t post again so soon! You just posted something else an hour ago!” “Don’t write this blog. No one cares!” “Don’t make that decision! People will get mad at you!”. . .so I do nothing. My mind is pacing back and forth and back and forth in an effort to shake this paralysis, but it can’t. 

As a Christian, I’ve been told hundreds of times there is freedom in Christ. 
Well. There may be, but I don’t feel it. I feel more bound — not by sin (which is what that thought is speaking to) — but by public opinion. By disapproval of other fallen people because somewhere along the way I fell into the gaping maw of “not enough”. 

Not good enough.
Not smart enough.
Not funny enough.
Not “cool” enough.
Not thin enough.
Not wealthy enough.
Not driven enough.
Not creative enough.
Not young enough.
Not old enough.
Not talented enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not smart enough.
Not neat enough.
Not organized enough.
Not “on top of it” enough.
Not still enough.
Not silent enough.
Not loud enough.
Not busy enough.
Not not-busy enough.
Not “grown up” enough. (whatever THAT means). 
Simply not enough. 

I wish I was writing a big, eye-opening conclusion right now. Truth is, I don’t have one. I have no sage advice, nor do I really want any. I merely wanted to write.