I’m not sure if it’s just me or not.
It very well could be just me.
But it very well could be others, too.

I had a bit of an epiphany in my therapy session today. Of course it was at the absolute last minute, so we didn’t flesh it out very much, but, it is what it is.

For quite some time, probably my whole life, I’ve associated the fact that I am a sinner saved by grace I did not deserve to mean that I don’t deserve anything good at all. I’ve stayed in uncomfortable situations because it was keeping me “broken” and “broken” is good.

. . .

I’m not so sure broken is good. Maybe heartbroken for the sake of my sin and Christ’s sacrifice. But, broken like “not useable” or “not fixable” or “not valuable”. Somewhere along the way the lines got crossed.

Maybe it’s just me.

The paradigm shift comes from seeing myself as a sinner in need of grace, but wholly alive and completely valuable in spite of it. I could speak about grace and unconditional love all day. I could point you to a thousand scriptures saying how freeing grace is, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t know I didn’t feel it until I really felt it. The “grace ” I felt wasn’t grace at all, but rather guilt or shame. That is not freeing but horribly constricting and confining.

Grace though. . .that is freeing.

Peace be the journey.