I woke up this Good Friday thinking about Judas Iscariot. Judas, the trusted money keeper who would betray the Son of God. Betrayal. It’s an easy and natural response for me to disdain Judas, to clutch my pearls and exclaim “Well, I never!” as if I have not been both the betrayer and the betrayed before. I know the ache of guilt when I have betrayed someone (even inadvertently), and I know the sting of broken trust of being betrayed. It’s easy to read Scripture and never see ourselves as the “villain” in the story. We would never betray, deny, or hand Jesus over to be crucified. That is reserved for the others...whoever that is. Good Friday began to take on a whole different meaning for me when I began to see myself in Judas, or Peter, or the angry mob who demanded justice, or even in the ones who remained silent. (Funny though, that the demand for justice was only a justice that maintained the status quo. A justice that tipped the scales of power in favor of one group over another, which is no justice. Jesus came to bring true justice. A justice that feels unfair to those in power and unattainable to the oppressed.)

Jesus knew what was to come. He knew Judas would betray him, he knew Peter would deny him, and he knew the others would stay silent. Even with this knowledge, he still prepared a meal for them. He still chose to celebrate with his beloved friends. The same friends who emphatically proclaimed their unflappable devotion mere hours before they would betray, deny, or shrink away. His radical hospitality and radical, unending love for his disciples is the same radical love that led him to choose the cross. It’s the same radical love that loves us, too. It’s the same love that we are invited to partake in, that’s given freely to us without condition, whether we acknowledge it or not.

A common theme I remember from my evangelical days is the idea of God chasing after God’s beloved. We could run and run and God was always coming after us. It’s a nice thought, I think, because we all want to believe we are worth pursuing. We want to believe that we are loved enough to be chased after. Except, now I’ve come to realize that God’s love and God’s grace are already wherever I am. Even if I “run”, God’s love doesn’t have to chase after me because it already goes with me.

We are worth being chased, but there is never any chase to begin with. Wherever we go, or wherever we think we go we’ll find that God’s love is already there — waiting for us. And it’s beside us — keeping pace with us. And behind us — closing in on us. God’s love for us remains whether we feel lovable or not. It is given to us without question or cause and it is unearned so it can never be taken away.

You deserve to be loved for who you are right in this moment. You are loved for who you are right in this moment. And you will continue to be loved in every moment that comes after.
You, the denier, the betrayer, the accuser, the bystander…the beloved.
You are loved deeply and fully.

“O my Creator,
speak me back into being
show me the bonds of love
that formed me
that hold me
let them be as iron
that enters my soul
blessed are we who see
that this present darkness is not all there is

blessed are we who look
for the one
this Jesus
dressed as a servant
who washes my feet
blessed are we who say
I am known
I am loved
I can love again”

Kate Bowler